Last week, I finally listened to my UWE wellbeing person and took the jump into going to a counselling session again. This was very different in circumstances and tone than when I went in 2012; both as it was a choice rather than something I was dragged in to, and because it was the kind of level that a first session is intended for, rather than the messy situation I came in with before.
(And being I could go straight in talking to the counsellor, rather than needing someone to come in with me to help this time, also helped.)
Then, two days after the counselling session, I had my final wellbeing meeting. I didn’t walk into it intending for it to be the final meeting, it just sort of happened- in the moment, it felt unnecessary to be doing both.
In hindsight, I’m now feeling a little weird about leaving wellbeing.
Leaving means that right now is the first time since a few months into year 1 of undergrad that I’m not doing the degree while either receiving counselling, having psychological assessments, or taking medication.
I’m finally doing the degree like everyone else is, on their own.
As I’m already in a rather self-doubting place this week already, my thoughts are turning to the irrational idea that my success at getting a 2:1 last degree, and doing surprisingly well at this one so far, is less… worthy? meaningful? less of an achievement? because I never did it without support like the majority of other people did.
But thinking about it logically, I wouldn’t say that to anyone else. And academically I’ve never needed that much help; I’ve always done at least ok, while this year has been the best I’ve done. The support was never to help me finish essays or assignments, but to make sure I kept myself in one piece long enough to hand them in.
So I know this is an irrational train of thought. But I also know that I’d never use that idea on someone else , so that’ll have to be my counter-argument for now.