For the final day of this block, we were let loose in the university recording studio to learn about recording sound and using a mixing desk. Given yesterday, I was optimistic, but today was much more difficult.
Firstly, we had mock interviews where 3 of us talked in the booth, and 3 stayed outside learning about the mixing desk and taking turns directing timeslots. In the first interview, I was fine- I knew what we were talking about, and I was nervous because there were people listening, but I could just block everyone out and talk. Then we switched presenter, and topic, and I lost track of what to do. My first question was absurdly simple, something like “what’s your favourite food?”, but I panicked- my mind went blank, and I couldn’t make myself interact with anyone. The only thing I could do was get up and leave.
After I’d calmed down outside the studio room, the lecturer and the other people in my group came out to see if I was ok. While that helped, as I was worried people would get annoyed at me leaving, it set off a lot of doubts and worries that I couldn’t shake off during the day.
I spent the whole day feeling not fully there. This meant that when it came to our next task- making a group drama- and then sorting out roles for next block, I hung back, convinced that I’d mess up any task I took on.
It was only afterwards that I realised how this could have come across wrongly- like I wasn’t interested in helping or like I was trying to get out of the work. Social skills aren’t my strong point anyway, but now I don’t know whether my feeling awkward was a genuine social mistake and its results, a sensation driven by anxiety, part of the detachment from dp, or somewhere inbetween any of them.