My final exam result was posted yesterday, meaning I’m no longer in the awkward inbetween uni and not-uni stage that I’ve spent the last few weeks in. While I’m disappointed in that specific exam (which scored a 58 in what had been my best subject), it didn’t affect my overall grade. By my calculations, I’ve finished with a solid 2:1- this is obviously a useful result, but I can’t help feeling curious at what would have happened if I’d put more work in.

While I spent the first two years of uni feeling like I was trying really hard but was weighed down by various other things that were going on at the time, which made everything more difficult, third year was sort of the opposite.

My plan for third year was to not worry about any of it, as worrying and getting stressed would only make me do worse, not better. So I was probably one of the most relaxed people in the cohort for most of the year. I think that strategy did have its uses, but I do still wonder what would have happened if I’d put my all in…. It would have either ended with me doing really well, or causing so many problems that I would have done dramatically worse.

I guess I can resolve this by trying my hardest when I do my master’s, especially if it is a deferred course so I have time to prepare. Getting worried about this after I’ve finished and can’t do anything about the exams is extremely illogical, so the only thing I can really do is find the boundary between “work/life balance” and “not caring”, and make sure I put more into the masters, and the preparation time before it.


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